I Want You to Know I Appreciate You - Millennial Women Inspirations

I want to take this moment to appreciate people who have always been there for me watching my back. I don’t know how to even start this. Okay, for starter, I know, I’m such a failure and I have no face to show anymore. But hey, I’m starting to get on my knees and sooner or later get back on my feet. I’m a student and I’m still not capable of returning all the hardships you’ve done to keep supporting me. All the bad and negative situations I’ve gone to on my college life, still I can’t dare hate the life that I am having now. It’s like there’s so much in it to love and be grateful about. God must’ve loved me too much to make me have you in my life. An infinite “Thank You” will never be enough to express my deepest gratitude. I can’t imagine where my life would be without your help. I don’t know what person I’d turn out to be without your guidance and support. My thoughts is not gathered as whole right now but I just want to write about how blessed I am to have people I never thought I needed in my life. My mind is exploding by just thinking about how I am supposed to repay your efforts. All I’ve shown you these past 3 years of my college life is the Judilee who have been lost for a while. I’ve disappointed you for the third time this year and I am sorry. I really am, I’ve been in the dark side all these time. I can’t see the end of the tunnel and you all showed up acting as my light who’s directing me towards the exit. I just realized, I have all of you helping me out. I’ve neglected people in my life because I thought no one will ever understand why I’m such a loner. And I thank you for sticking with me through thick and thin even if it means you have nothing to gain in return. I could cry writing all these stuff and it’s the only thing that made it easy to express everything I am afraid to say. If you look me straight to my eyes, the guilt is killing me. I’m terrible on making confessions and this is tough. I could go somewhere and end up my life to lighten up your loads or wished if I go to bed at night I’d die in my sleep because the sorrow inside of me is as accurate as having killed by me. But the brighter side is that I would never and will never venture on an activity that will definitely put you in pain. You raised me well and the situations I am in lately have nothing to do with you. It is my own faults, my very own decisions and the outcomes of my actions. Don’t ever blame yourselves because I am my self’s liability. Now that I have my circumstances to face, still I had you on my back.

To my parents, I’m going all crazy thinking about what you think about me in this moment. You probably must be so disappointed right now. I don’t know what gets into my head to lose everything I wanted for the first place. I’ve grown so much that I also grown so away from both of you esp now that I am away because I’m going to college. I am sorry for being the troubled child. I gave you headaches every time ever since I am a child but I grow up knowing you both has faith in me. You believe in me like no one can ever could and I make you think twice because I always fail you. I do make mistakes that hurt you yet I see your happy faces in front of me, like I’ve done nothing wrong. I can’t express everything I wanted to say but thank you for always accepting me even though I’m only throwing nothing but only complications on your way. You don’t say so much but I know you love me and I hope you two know I also love you back. I don’t know what happened to the child who once makes you laugh. I’m busy growing up without realizing you’re also getting old. I did upset you and I hope I can fill everything up for the lost times.

To my sister who has been the most influential person in my life. Thank you so, so, so, infinitely much. I don’t know what to do if I have no one as responsible, organized, selfless, thoughtful and an amazing person as you in my life. You taught me so much. I’m under your custody right now but you never make me feel that I should repay you for everything you showered on me. You let me commit mistakes because you believe I can learn it my own way even if those mistakes will cost you much. I am really sorry for being a coward. We get into fights but you never call me names. I respect you so, so, so much. Yell and throw me things but I’ll stood still absorbing it all because I deserve them. Nonetheless, when I report to you with my problems recently, you acted really calm, doing all the checking while laying all your words of wisdom thinking it’ll all go to my head. Then with all the possible solutions, you come back to me. I love you and I don’t think I deserve so much goodness like this in my life. Thank you. There are no words as precise as those words that I wanted to express.

A photo from 2011

Be happy and healthy. You all deserve so much. It’s because of you guys, that I want to be a better a person. I’ll try to learn from my mistakes and hopefully commit less of it or preferably not doing it again. I know you’ll always be there and someday with a little bit of luck I’ll make you proud.